I guess I have always considered dependence as a weakness. When I was a teenager, I was desperate to leave the house, to go out and face the world on my own, and I did at 16. When I was married with children, I lived like a single parent, being the one who was the mother of the house, making my own way, being the boss. When I became a single mother in reality, I fell right into place, comfortably, working, going to school, and raising my children. And now as a married woman with a house full of children, I still have a hard time letting my husband have the reins when he gets home. Dependence. Dependence in my husband to fulfill our family's needs. Dependence that my husband can provide for us, and can make logical and emotional decisions for us because he has our best interest in mind. Dependence in my husband as a spiritual leader, husband, father, and man of integrity.
But more than just trusting and depending on my husband, I need to depend on my God. I talk a lot about faith in my blog, on my facebook page, and if you know me in real life, I am always ready with an encouraging, faith filled word. But my dark secret is that there are plenty of times that I don't follow through on my own advice, I don't always depend fully on God. I have a tendency to grab a hold of the ledge before falling, and even though my Father tells me to jump, I cling in fear. Dependence. When I think of what it means to be dependent on Him, I envision something much like the image I put at the beginning of this post- I see myself snuggled in His arms, completely content. I need content. I need peace despite whatever storm may pass by me. I need dependence in my Father.
This year, I strive to NOT strive. This year I let go, and don't grab it back. This year I will depend on my Lord no matter what I face. I will be dependent on Him.
2013, here I come.